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February 2012 M T W T F S S « Feb 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 -
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@ericanoel
- Did you know there is an International Cheese Technology Expo? Uh, yum. 1 day ago
- Japan Will Have a Space Elevator by 2050 http://t.co/ukkCYTLn Dream big today, people. What will you do by 2050? 3 days ago
- Facebook Profiles Accurately Predict Job Performance [STUDY] http://t.co/qVG9KS9F via @mashbusiness @mashable 3 days ago
- Polaroid goes digital with Android camera http://t.co/g1dxcDke via @CNNMoney 5 days ago
- Know where your food comes from: Butterball Workers Arrested on Animal Cruelty Charges http://t.co/EFVXaMxg (via @ABC) 1 week ago
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Category Archives: For the Funnies
Retro Friday! News Gathering in 1967
Posted in For the Funnies, Workie Workie
Tagged journalism, news, newspapers, retro
Chicago Blizzard Lakefront Weather Report
My sister and I filmed this little diddy during the brunt of the blizzard last week. Fairly telling of how brutal it was. Yeah, and we just dug our cars out on Sunday.
Posted in For the Funnies, In da 'Hood
Tagged beach, blizzard, Chicago, crazy-ass snow, lake michigan, Rogers Park, wind
Happy Festivus: My Grievances (in no particular order)
HAPPY FESTIVUS! A Festivus for the rest of us. “I’ve got a lot of problems with you people! And now you’re gonna hear about it.”
In honor of this special day, let’s start with the airing of grievances, the Costanza-way:
1.) Cryptic status updates. “Bad day.” “No one understands.” “:(” “Hm. We’ll have to wait and see I guess. :/” Either tell us what’s goin on or keep your status trap shut. These updates are only fishing for questions about what’s wrong, or faux FB sympathy. Yep, I’ve hidden you.
2.) Bib scarves. Are we 2 years old? Please, people, there are other ways to wear a scarf.
3.) Plastic bags in trees. They’re everywhere. Start looking up and you’ll notice them. Plus, those cashiers and baggers who huff when they start putting your three cups of yogurt and kitty food into a plastic bag just as the words, “I don’t need a bag,” or “I brought my own bag,” are rolling out of your mouth. Then they have to remove the item from the evil plastic but they do so in a beleaguered way.
4.) The fact that Miley Cyrus hittin a bong (and it’s not even weed) is news. Yawn.
5.) Single issue voters. Awesome job playing into the hands of deadbeat politicians. There are a whole lotta issues that affect you more than abortion and gun control. But who cares about ethanol subsidies raising the price of food? Or pushing our off-shore drilling to other countries? Or accessible government? Or Net neutrality? Or the inefficiency of sales tax due to its regressive tax structure?
6.) foursquare. Do I really need to know you’re spending another $5 for a latte at Starbucks… again?
7.) People who don’t adhere to the bathroom stall boundary unspoken rule. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If there are multiple stalls and it’s just you and me in there, why do you have to use the stall right next to me? Also, I’d like to tack on to this one the half-assed hand washers. Putting your hand under a water stream for half a second with no soap doesn’t count as hand washing.
Now for the feats of strength.
Posted in For the Funnies
Tagged Dec. 23, feats of strength, Festivus, Geroge Costanza, grievances, human fund, Seinfeld
And People Say Today’s Ads Are Scandalous…
Right. My "gums" need massaging.
Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.
The brand babies trust.
A Fun New Anxiety: Killer Ice
I’ve developed a fear I never had before moving to Chicago and working downtown: ice plummeting 40 stories during a winter thaw and impaling me on my head.
Giant skyscrapers and melting snow are a bad combination, and you’re reminded of the pending horror constantly. Signs are everywhere, written in large red letters, “DANGER: FALLING ICE.” No, it doesn’t say “Beware,” or “Watch Out,” or “Caution.” It says “Danger” in all caps. They’re not kidding around. It totally psychs me out.
So I pull up my hood, convincing myself that somehow if I’m unlucky enough to walk under that corner of building just as the icicle’s cling to end of the roof gives way, that the thin layer of matted down feathers will cushion the fall. When in reality it will really be my skull that cushions the fall. OK, I’ve lived in Chicago three years and have never actually seen it happen with my own eyes (only read about it). But the snow is extra drippy right now.
Maybe I should have moved to Hawaii.
Posted in For the Funnies, In da 'Hood
My Six-Word Memoir
The popularity of the six-word memoir a la Ernest Hemingway is back with the release of Smith Magazine’s new book, Six-Word Memoirs on Love & Heartbreak, a follow-up to Not Quite What I Was Planning. The idea: Your life in one sentence, six words. Here’s mine:
Learned how mighty the pen is.
I could also go with:
Never satisfied, but working on it.
Lives vivid dreams during waking hours.
I write best while on deadline.
My teenage angst never went away.
Music saved me, more than once.
I’d rather be at the beach.
What is your six-word memoir? Comment it below. You can also post it on Smith Magazine’s website and it may be used in a future book!
Posted in Artsy Fartsy, For the Funnies
Where is the future of fashion?
When I was about 10 years old, I envisioned the year 2010 with popular fashion in the vain of “The Fifth Element.”
Instead, I am consistently disappointed by today’s Gap-nation. Everywhere I look I see a drab, khaki-colored blur of cheap, matchy-matchy attire that doesn’t take chances and has no personality.
There is little glamour for the everyday person. And because custom tailored clothing has been overtaken by mass-produced lines, often styles fit horribly. Commuters march to their offices in unflattering grey suits. Party-goers don skinny jeans and shapless blouses. Where is the personal style?
Lady Gaga and Pink at the 2009 VMAs (Photo source: MTV)
At least we have the VMAs. Mark my words: Fashion is the only reason you will ever hear me condoning MTV nowadays. First of all, MTV has had little to do with music over the past 10 years. Maybe longer. And no one has accused today’s Top 40 and Pop music of being smart. Instead, inde and hip-hop take the reigns. And what happened to rock? Well, I digress…
My point is, at least we have the Video Music Awards to see something new and unusual in the world of mainstream fashion. Off-the-runway use of designs tailored to reflect daring and sophisticated tones. Even humorous or sarcastic (hello, Lady Gaga).
So, let’s all take a page out of Carrie Bradshaw’s book and try something new and daring. What’s the worst that’s going to happen? You’ll actually not look like everyone else?
Posted in Artsy Fartsy, Bazaar-o, For the Funnies
Tagged fashion, future, MTV, style, The Fifth Element, Video Music Awards, VMAs
Big News!
Today, I upgraded from this tacky mug that I dug out from the depths of the community kitchen cupboard at my office…
To this gem!
How much does that rock? Maybe now Jon Stewart will agree to an interview with me.
Public Restroom Etiquette
In my opinion (and this is my blog, so it’s about time I start stating my opinion), there are certain cardinal rules one must follow in a public restroom.
1.) If there is a row of empty stalls, do not, I repeat, do not take the one directly next to the only other person using the restroom at the time. Give a girl some room. It’s one thing if the place is busy, then all stalls are fair game. But if there are a dozen stalls and only one being used, don’t take the stall right next to it.
2.) Wash your hands. At home this rule might slide. I don’t care what you do in your home. But in public, I don’t want to think about touching the same door handle as you, or shaking your hand after you wiped your ass. ESPECIALLY at work. You work someplace long enough, and you’re a non-hand-washer, someone like me is going to figure it out when we’re in the bathroom together at some point. I’m so OCD about this rule that I actually make mental notes of who washes their hands and who doesn’t. Yeah, I know who you are. I can’t help it. It’s not like I want to take these mental notes. As a matter of fact, I shouldn’t have to because we’re all adults and we’ve all learned how to stay clean, avoid the spread of germs, etc. So, just wash your hands. Just do it. It takes 15 flippin’ seconds.
3.)If someone is takin’ a poop, don’t hang out in the bathroom and chat with your friends. You smell the smell, it’s time to walk outside. Which brings me to rule No. 4…
4.) To all my between-stall talking friends: Let’s continue the conversation after we do our business. However, when I’m drinking I habitually break this rule. OK, I’m re-designating this as a sober-only rule.
5.) Flush. For the love of God.
Posted in Bazaar-o, For the Funnies, Life and its Circles
Tagged bathroom, etiquette, office humor, restroom
